Vanity and Modesty

I think that girls- mostly the shy, modest girls- need to have just a touch more vanity in their demeanor. We live in world where women are constantly being put down, putting ourselves , and putting each other down.  For a woman to have confidence, ambition, and a touch of vanity is still being frowned upon…like we’re not worth feeling good about ourselves.

                                                We obviously don't have the best self-image...

        We obviously don’t have the best self-image…

Well, why not?  Why shouldn’t we feel good bout ourselves?  Because we’re not 10, or 30, or 50 pounds less than what other people think we should be?  Because our skin tone, or hair, or body type isn’t what public –or private- society thinks they should look? Why not just embrace our bodies for what they are- vehicles in which we explore the world that need to be strong and nourished, not beaten down.

Take me for example, I absolutely loathe my chubby tummy….I can’t stand the sight of it some days.  I don’t like it because other people – who don’t matter in my life one bit- tell me that it’s unattractive or unhealthy.  I know how strong my body is, not them.  I know that I follow a primarily veg/fruit diet with no junk food or sugary carbs.  I know that I’ve been a regular exerciser for almost two years now.  I know that I used to barely be able to walk up stairs wit out getting exhausted and now I can walk over n hour from home to campus without being flustered at all. I know that I can do workouts/exercises that most girls (and a lot of guys) would find too challenging and I can now regularly curl 15lb dumbbells, and can dead lift up to 50-60lbs.  When I sit and try to reach for my toes, I can bring my face to my shins and my chest to my knees (not that it has far too go…)

Despite all these positives-and more- I can’t help feel that I’m disgusting, and fat, and ugly. Because I have broader shoulders than a lot of women, and that my thighs are thick and still have dimples in them no matter how many squats or lunges I do, or how long I bike or do wall-sits (up to two minutes, I’m proud to say! See. a little vanity does help now and again) and that dreaded chubby tummy…  Even when I was at my all-time low as an anorexic (and with my wider body type it looked pretty misshapen) I still had a bit of cellulite and a chubby, jiggly tummy.  That’s just how my body is and I hate it most days.  Any one of us women (and many men) could tell the same tale with themselves and any body part of their choosing.  We always find ways to hate our bodies not realizing that there are people out there wishing for our body regardless of our perceived flaws- big/small breasts, curvy/straight figure, pale/dark skin, curly/straight hair, etc.

goingmad

I think this post needs some Simon Tam…

         It’s absolute insanity! Your bodies are strong enough to have brought you this far in your lives, right? All your memories, experiences, successes and failures are all been carried out by the body that you’re in-muscles, fat, “flaws”, and all.  And I’m just as guilty of bringing myself down under the guise of modesty or being humble and avoiding being proud of myself -and my body- for fear of being thought vain. I don’t know how being modest makes us better people when it causes us to disregard out triumphs and maximize our flaws. There is no strength in treating ourselves or others in that manner.

     Your body is going to be with you for the rest of your life- for better or for worse- and now is the time to make peace with it.  Keep fighting it, and we’ll just get weaker and more worn down as time goes by; cherish it and it will strengthen. Starving myself didn’t make me any happier, neither did over-exercising, or purging and cutting.  It makes me sadder, weaker, and emptier. So I’m going to keep pledging and re-pledging to take care of myself and love my body…no matter how many times I move backwards or want to harm my body. I implore you to do the same.  Share your experiences with others, move your body more, and activate your mind. Failure to tend the garden causes the crop to wilt and suffer.

I had kind of hoped that this would be more than a rant by me, but the best laid plans of mice and men…  I do hope that I had imbued this with some type of clarity, and it doesn’t seem like the angry ravings of another female on another blog.  Also, drugs.

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Hurry! Your people need you!

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6 thoughts on “Vanity and Modesty

  1. I love reading all of these. This one..it has been a struggle, hasn’t it? I’ve watched through the years as you’ve had your ups and downs with a battle that is by far not an easy one. One of the hardest battles we fight in life is against ourselves and within our own soul. Not many have the courage to ever start the fight…fewer still can keep it going…and it is an enormous rarity that people stick it out enough to win. It takes a lot to keep going, and even more than that to pick yourself up after the umpteeth heavy hit and any and all curveballs slung by life in general at the same time.

    Which is why I know you will win. You aren’t alone either. In those moments it seems like everything is in some sort of void..well, there will always be even the tiniest of lights to help back you up….and then applause as we watch you kick its ass. You are very wise…and I can see that through all of this that you’ve endured it will bring peace to the lives of many others that suffer the same.

    All in all, I hope you decide to continue writing. Your blogs are insightful and enjoyable. Well thought out, and well put together. Thank you for sharing your feelings with all of us.

    I am absolutely proud of you.

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